A tale of two masseuses

So this is one of the non-medical stories that I would like to share.

A few years ago a couple of friends and I decided to take a road trip to Pondicherry and stay there over the weekend and party really hard.

So let's call these friends as Alpha and omega alright? 

So we started late afternoon and we have a really great drive and we reached our destination by evening. I made the big mistake of mentioning that the last time I went to Pondicherry with my friends from college , one of the guys got a Thai massage with the happy ending. So this actually hyped up both alpha and omega and they actually wanted to see if this stuff happens for real and if it does, they wanted to experience it. I'm like please let's just go get drunk and party, but no. My friends made me google some place to get a Thai massage and a happy ending, so we end up in the corner of this shady ass street and we walk into the massage parlor and I look around and see the entrance is being guarded by a couple of guys. So we walk in and there's a waiting room there with all these guys in their 50s and 60s. At the reception in the waiting room there was one morbidly obese woman who did not have an approachable/pleasant disposition , and now alpha isn't the kinda guy who's subtle. He walks up with to the reception and asks in a fairly loud tone "do you have girls?". The receptionist said "yes I do". Now here's the part that started making me uncomfortable, alpha asks the receptionist if she has North Indian girls and she says yes and my friend asks to see them. So the woman calls out like 10 names and they all come and stand at attention all lined up facing us. And trust me when I say I'm not easily disgusted but seeing the faces of those women who were barely 20 years old , you could tell that they didn't like their job and were possibly being made to do this against their will. It was one of those moments that my stomach turn seeing their plight. Now back to alpha's subtlety, he says to the receptionist immediately after noticing the mongoloid features on those young women  "I asked for North Indian not for North East indians" and I'm like "can you not be racist? That too here of all places, we might get beaten up" but alpha is unrelenting and he asks the receptionist if she doesn't have anyone else and the receptionist said she could also give him a massage if he wanted, and alpha mumbles under his breath like "yeah right who would ever come to you?" And I just tell him that I'm walking out and that I'll be outside. So leaving alpha and omega inside the building I walk out and call mutual friend of ours and tell him about what's going on and had a small laugh over it. That's when both alpha and omega come out saying that there's a 45 minute waiting period and that he gave the phone number of the friend who was on the call as a gag. So I'm like "finally let's go get drunk". Omega seemed to have lost interest by now but alpha isn't the kind who gives up easily as well so he pleaded with omega and me to go and try to search for one more place. So we did and we googled and found another which was in a more densely populated area which sounded a lot safer to me. So we go to the place and it looked like an innocent saloon with a couple of rooms in the end. At the reception there was this woman who was actually quite pretty and alpha goes and sits down in front of her and asks if there are any girls , the receptionist said they have gone for dinner and will be back soon. Alpha meanwhile is actually smitten by this woman and asked if she was a masseuse as well and she said she was. So alpha actually started flirting with her and I was amazed to see that she was actually flirting back. I mean I guess I couldn't blame her either, because she's probably working for elderly guys the whole day and my guess is that she was fairly excited seeing a younger guy come to her. So she agreed to service alpha for a 1500 rupees for the massage and a 1000 rupee tip for the happy ending. These two hit it off and were flirting so much that I actually called alpha to talk to him outside for a moment. He comes out and asks me why I'm ruining his "game and charm" and I'm like "dude you are going to pay her right?" He says "of course" and I get irritated and just kinda yelled at him saying "then what the fuck are you flirting for ? Skip the fucking foreplay and get it over with and let's go". So alpha goes in while omega and I wait in the car with a beer. Around 30 minutes later alpha gets in the car and asks "Duuuuuddddeeeee will I get AIDS?" I'm like "what the actual fuck did you do in there?" And he proceeded to tell me that there was heavy making out and after which he fingered her while she was jerking him off. And I'm like "you're paying her! Why did you finger her???" And alpha exclaimed that he "took care of it later". 

So alpha goes on and said that she wanted to have sex but he didn't so he just asked her to give him a happy ending and walked out after paying her a total of 2000 eupees.

I was puzzled and said "2k? I thought it was gonna come up to 2.5k?" 

That's when our man said "yeah but I fingered her as well so for her pleasure I gave myself a 500 buck discount otherwise there's no sense in having an MBA" and proceeded to act like he had pulled of the greatest con after oceans 11!

I swear to you considering the cast of characters I've come across in my life, there's rarely a dull outing. And no he didn't get AIDS and we did end up partying hard that night.

Till next time.

Snake bite : A story from my internship days

Okay so most of the stories you will be reading here are from my internship days. I was under rotation from department to department for a year so at the time I was basically a jack of all trades and master of none. 

And another thing I would like to highlight is the lack of people skills that most patients and healthcare workers have.

So today's memory which I would like to recall is one patient I had who was bit by a snake.

This particular man had been brought to the ER by maybe 3 or 4 friends/relatives.

The patient had apparently been working at some factory and while walking home he was bit by a snake on one of his ankles(My college is in a fairly rural area so these things happen every now and then). I was posted in the general medicine department back then but the ER interns called me to help out since they were not able to speak Tamil , I know right! what was the management thinking? Putting 6 non-Tamil speaking interns together that too in an emergency room duty in a place where Tamil is the primary language!

So anyway I go up to the patient and looked at him and saw the signature double fang marks on his ankle and now the first thing to do is identify the snake.

Now since I live in India there is a single anti-venom known as the Polyvalent antivenom which is an effective anti-venom for India's 4 most common venomous snakes. 

Which are : 

1. Russel's viper

2. Saw-scaled viper

3. Indian cobra

4. Common krait

If we find out that the snake is something other than the above listed ones we give something known as a monovalent anti-venom which is effective against the venom of one particular species of snake that it was made for.

Anyway I ask the guy "Do you know which snake it was ? Any description?"  

Now this is one of those incidents where people skills are really needed because within the next microsecond the guy shoves a polythene cover in my face and yells out "This snake sir!!!!"

And horror of horrors the polythene cover contained a dead cobra which kinda wriggled in my face due to the sudden movement made by the guy who brought it!

And i got startled and literally teleported like 10 meters away and started yelling at him about how he should have eased into the topic by saying "we have killed the snake and brought it...please take a look"  and then showed it to me.

I mean you understand right ? Things could have gone so much simpler if he was a little more discreet. So anyway the people in the ER were also petrified because someone heard me yell at the patient and only heard the part saying "The snake and brought it" so people in the vicinity thought that there was a live snake in the area and you know how it is when a group of people panic, everything becomes chaotic.

But yeah if you are wondering what happened to the patient , he recovered under our care.

Anyway that is my memory/rant for today about how sometimes people really don't know how to ease into a topic! 

First ever online rant about a patient

Most things that I will be ranting about here might seem mean and cruel but it has almost always happened to me when I am exhausted , hungry, sleep deprived , overloaded etc. I am pretty sure you know how cranky you get when you are in such a situation

So here goes

I pull 12 hour shifts at the hospital in the COVID-19 ward, usually it is heartwarming to see patients recovering and leaving the hospital while thanking you personally for your care. Sometimes it is gut wrenching to explain to the relatives/guardians over the phone or from a distance that their relative/friend/family is gonna succumb to the illness. Usually people think these are the only two things a doctor goes through. But on some days you just wanna agree with the virus.

A few weeks ago was one such day.

*Intercom rings*

Usually it is the nurses in my ward who answer the phone ...but since they were at the bedside administering drugs or checking vitals , i answered it. 

ER Nurse : Doctor is there a bed available for a new patient?

Me: There is but tell me the patient history.

ER Nurse : A young woman has come to the ER and since we are doing mandatory testing for COVID-19 i wanted to know if a bed is available in case she turns out to test positive for it.

Me: I know all that but tell me the history why is the patient in the ER in the first place ?

ER Nurse : Sir you're not gonna believe this but the patient is an 18 year old woman who attempted suicide due to some domestic issues by drinking nail polish

Me: Oh crap! what are her vitals like???

ER Nurse : Sir hear me out .... the patient drank nail polish and then a minute later she decided she didn't want to die so she drank nail polish remover as the antidote to it.

Me: ..........

So these are the kinda days when I feel I'm so done with humans and that the pandemic must run it's course.

So anyway this woman was kept under observation and treated symptomatically and she turned out to be negative and hence was discharged.

Thank you 

That is my rant for today 

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